Today, I introduce one of the biggest reasons I wanted to start this site, to tell the stories of some amazing ladies. Moms that lost children and not only lived through it, but managed to do so much good.
Jana is our first featured mom. She's instrumental in a site I love, Band Back Together, a group blog that serves is too awesome to put into words, just go check it out.
She lost her son, Charlie, to Group Strep B, and is also a huge resource of knowledge for how moms can protect their newborns from the same fate.
In her words, Charlie's story:
"Our first son, Charlie, was born on May 21, 2003 a few weeks early but otherwise happy and healthy. He spent the next three weeks making us the happiest we’ve ever been. We held him, loved him, enjoyed life and sleepless nights with a newborn. Life was getting into a routine when, at 21 days old, he became sick. The next three days included test after test and life support and meetings in the “OhSh*t” room. On June 14, the day before his official due date, support was removed and Charlie gained his wings, in my arms, as the sun shone through the curtains for the first time in 3 days. His full story can be read here."
Besides Band Back Together, Jana has been involved with other groups as well including: Group B Strep International, a Group B Strep awareness group and a board member at the Ronald McDonald House of Central Georgia and The Children’s Hospital at the Medical Center of Central Georgia.
She blogs about life, loss and is way more funny than I could ever hope to be at Jana's Thinking Place.
I asked Jana about doing good in Charlie's name, and here's what she had to say.
Why did you feel compelled to do good in your child's name?
I’ll be very candid here. I did good before Charlie died. I have always had a love for groups like The Ronald McDonald House and any and every Children’s Hospital around. I was volunteering regularly at the RMH when Charlie died. I already knew there were amazing things that one could do in the world to feed their souls.
After Charlie died, it gave me a STORY. It gave me an inside look at what these amazing people I had been giving back to were going through. Before Charlie died, I was simply volunteering. And praying when I got home that nothing like what they were going through would ever happen to me. But when it did, it gave me even more reason to do and give and be a part of an organization that was doing such amazing things.
What have you gained from doing good?
As far as what I personally have gained from doing good? I’m not sure. I think I’ve gained more confidence and compassion than I had before and certainly a lot more pride. I was proud of the good I was doing before Charlie died, but now, knowing that I can use his story and really connect with people, I feel very proud of that.
Do you have advice for other grieving moms that want to make a legacy for their children?
I think the biggest thing you can do is to grieve. There’s no right way and there’s no wrong way. There’s no timeline, but you have to grieve.
When the loss of your child is fresh and new, most everyone’s gut reaction is to help – help others, help tell the world about whatever happened, help others deal with THEIR grief. But the best thing you can do is grieve yourself. You MUST go through the process. There is no “around” grief. There’s only “through” grief.
I think for someone to be fully effective in helping others and leaving a legacy in their child’s memory, they must first accept the hand they’ve been given. That’s not to say that you can’t do and help while you grieve, but you have to remember yourself and your spirit. Take care of YOU first.
I remember it feeling so “sharp” at the time that I absolutely HAD to run out right that minute and tell everybody I knew about Group B Strep and how it could kill their baby. I did some of that almost immediately and then realized that I wasn’t caring for myself. I put it on pause. I stopped volunteering at the RMH. I went to work, came home, cuddled with my husband and we grieved.
About a year later, when I emerged from the fog, I realized with a phone call from someone asking if I wanted to serve on the board for the Children’s Hospital, that I was ready. And I’m so glad I waited. I can’t remember a single thing that happened in that first year. But I know it was healing, even though eight years later the wound is still not fully healed. It will never be fully healed, just as I will never be fully whole again.
But I’m a better giver because I took care of myself before trying to take care of others. After Charlie died, it gave me a STORY. It gave me an inside look at what these amazing people I had been giving back to were going through. Before Charlie died, I was simply volunteering. And praying when I got home that nothing like what they were going through would ever happen to me. But when it did, it gave me even more reason to do and give and be a part of an organization that was doing such amazing things.
What have you gained from doing good?
As far as what I personally have gained from doing good? I’m not sure. I think I’ve gained more confidence and compassion than I had before and certainly a lot more pride. I was proud of the good I was doing before Charlie died, but now, knowing that I can use his story and really connect with people, I feel very proud of that.
Do you have advice for other grieving moms that want to make a legacy for their children?
I think the biggest thing you can do is to grieve. There’s no right way and there’s no wrong way. There’s no timeline, but you have to grieve.
When the loss of your child is fresh and new, most everyone’s gut reaction is to help – help others, help tell the world about whatever happened, help others deal with THEIR grief. But the best thing you can do is grieve yourself. You MUST go through the process. There is no “around” grief. There’s only “through” grief.
I think for someone to be fully effective in helping others and leaving a legacy in their child’s memory, they must first accept the hand they’ve been given. That’s not to say that you can’t do and help while you grieve, but you have to remember yourself and your spirit. Take care of YOU first.
I remember it feeling so “sharp” at the time that I absolutely HAD to run out right that minute and tell everybody I knew about Group B Strep and how it could kill their baby. I did some of that almost immediately and then realized that I wasn’t caring for myself. I put it on pause. I stopped volunteering at the RMH. I went to work, came home, cuddled with my husband and we grieved.
About a year later, when I emerged from the fog, I realized with a phone call from someone asking if I wanted to serve on the board for the Children’s Hospital, that I was ready. And I’m so glad I waited. I can’t remember a single thing that happened in that first year. But I know it was healing, even though eight years later the wound is still not fully healed. It will never be fully healed, just as I will never be fully whole again.
So true: there is no "going around" grief, only going through it.
ReplyDelete((hugs)) and great post.
Thank you so much Kristine, for featuring me. I'm still blushing over here. I wasn't expecting it today and it was much needed!
ReplyDelete